Inspiration/Rejection/Jealousy

1 Jul

Confession Time.

It’s 4:48pm on July 1st and my life has changed yet has not at all. I’m anxious from coffee, feeling inspired but am too tired (or is it lethargy?) to write any of my true ideas down. I fee like writing but not what I should. I am fearful of rejection, the future and missing out on opportunities never given in result of my fear.

It’s crazy because you can be so happy for or envious of other people who are on the grind and successful, realize your potential if you would only step out and still not believe your potential and talent can measure up to anything. That’s how I feel. I believe a lot of that has to do with fear.

Over the years, I have dealt with rejection in every aspect of life: as a writer, as a lover, as a friend, etc. Overtime, that rejection builds and it takes self-patience, love and support from others and your acceptance of that love and support to be free of it. Still sometimes, even when you have been set free from the haunting of rejection, it tends to come back, especially when you start to compare yourself to others and belittle yourself for being so behind on your life plans.

When rejection comes to haunt you, don’t let it. When jealousy creeps up on you, congratulate that person. When inspiration hits you, do not let it go.

Let me confess something obvious. I am learning from my own words as I believe every writer does at some point or another.

This post is not only for writers. It is for everyone who creates. Musicians, Dancers, Filmmakers, Photographers, you name it, you do it and keep doing it.

DO. NOT. GIVE. UP.

Do NOT be rocked by fear or past rejection or even by those people chatting, ‘No, you can’t’ because they don’t understand your artistry or don’t like how you look or you in general.

No matter where you stand in life now, wherever you stand later should not be influenced by people who don’t stand for you.

Because at the end of the day, whether you pursue your passions or give up, they won’t like you anyway.

And that’s okay because I will. The people who are cheering for you now and are inspired by you later will. They are who matter.

You can have potential.

You can have talent.

You can have fear.

But you must, most of all, have perseverance.

You story starts with you. Start writing.

Love Wins

26 Jun

Today, legislation to make same-sex marriage was passed. The trending hashtag: #LoveWins

It’s true. Love does win. But there’s something that needs to be said about that:

Love already won. Love won over 2,000 years ago. Love is knocking on your door. Let love in. If you’ve let love in and are hating and judging those who are loving someone you don’t believe they should then perhaps you should reevaluate if you ever made an acquaintance with Love at all.

Love is Jesus.

Jesus did not call us to judge, He called us to love.

Now, I’m not saying we should accept what clearly goes against what we believe as Christians. No matter what version of the Holy Bible you read, you will never be able to knock what God says about same-sex relationships. However, instead of drowning the world with what you claim to be the truth, let’s try a different approach. Try to see from the perspective of the LGBTQ community.

How would you feel if you were told to reject a part of you that you never even wanted?

How would you feel to be told there’s something wrong with you when all you want is happiness?

How would you feel knowing that a group of people are judging you based on your sexual preference before even getting to know you?

I’m not saying compromise is in order, I am saying love is in order. TRUE FRIENDSHIP is in order. Before you cast a stone, think about the stones that have already been casted and have affected that person to have reached the state they are in now. We all have flaws, closeted sins and fears. Maybe instead of judging one another for them, expressing them out loud to those we trust would do some good.

That’s how church should be for people. A place of sanctuary, love, therapy and community–not hate, bigotry and false kindness.

So LGBTQ community, on behalf of true Christians everywhere: We love you. We may not agree but one thing we cannot deny is the love that Jesus has for you and for me, no matter what you believe. Let’s grab coffee soon! ❤

Christians, Be Careful What You Say On Facebook

4 Jun

Truth. So much truth.

While the Bruce Jenner* controversy is at its peak, be very careful about what you are tempted to say about it on social media. Though your gut reaction might be to post a comment/article that articulates your disgust, I beg you to reconsider. Here’s a couple of reasons why.

  1. Many of you are either looking at porn, or something close to it. I know this because some of the pages and videos that you “like” on Facebook show up on my news feed. You probably don’t realize this, because you keep doing it, and I keep seeing it. Unfortunately, all sexual perversion is a result of human corruption. You have it, I have it too. But you might want to reconsider publicly shaming one perversion when you have another.
  2. Related to reason #1, you don’t understand the gospel. There is nothing wrong about outwardly expressing your disgust at sin. The…

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i…

23 Jan

Anyone who has known me for a great amount of time knows my heart for Kendrick Lamar. You know the Grammy-nominated rapping phenomena of a scholar from California that’s walking this very Earth at this very moment.

lamar

Well, folks, the love has thickened. 


Recently (January 8th, 2014) Kendrick Lamar was interviewed by Billboard Magazine. He covered a lot of topics ranging from his Grammy snub to his thoughts in regards to the Michael Brown case to the highly anticipated drop of new album. However, out of the many topics he covered for the magazine, one quote stuck out to me.

“She’s doing her thing,” Lamar tells Billboard. “Let her. People have to go through trials and tribulations to get where they at. Do your thing, continue to rock it, because obviously God wants you here.”

 Now just reading that, you wouldn’t know that he was talking about Iggy Azalea, who many rappers have been giving mixed opinions about. Of course, Kendrick being Kendrick wouldn’t be caught dead saying anything rude to tear anybody down because that’s not what he’s about. He’s about truth and positivity and art.

Just to put it plainly.

 ain't nobody

Now to the meat and potatoes (which sounds so friggin’ good right now). The second I read that quote, I went back and read it again and again. I smiled and I teared up a bit. Because even though he was talking about Iggy Azalea, it applied so much to my current situation. And boy did I need to read it that very second. In the moment, that quote hit me like the words of the great Shakespeare. (You know, if Shakespeare had actually written those darn good plays and wasn’t just a good businessman.)

Even so, that quote is my new favorite of the year thus far. I thought about getting it tattooed inside my upper arm for about an hour. (too long, possibly too painful)

It also reminded me of Psalms 42:5, which crazy enough was the scripture I woke up to in my devotional this morning. Even crazier, this is the first year I’ve read that scripture and didn’t break down because I felt so empty inside and the encouragement felt like water hitting my droughted soul. It was just nice to be reminded. I had never experienced that before and it was so refreshing. I finally feel as though I am finding who I am in God and loving the way He has created me.

Let’s also talk about the fact that Kendrick wasn’t even trying to be cathartic–and reestablish his reign on my favorite person of all time list–but HE TOTALLY DID! The guy is a legend, people.

And God’s timing scares me with its perfection.


–Joni Bing x

P.S. His new single ‘i’ is my current theme song! Check it out: www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aShfolR6w8 


Source: http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/6436268/kendrick-lamar-billboard-cover-story-on-new-album-iggy-azalea-police-violence-the-rapture

Double Standards at the Gas Station

10 Jan

So there I was. Almost near that horrible empty line. The gas pump icon lit up the second my Hyundai rumbled to life in my driveway. Like a true procrastinator, I never make time in my schedule to get gas unless I absolutely need to despite the many times I have been warned about how dangerous it is to drive on a close-to-empty-tank and, especially as a young lady, to make sure my tank never runs out.

Thankfully because I have procrastinated so many times before, I knew that I had enough gas in my tank to make it to a cheap decent gas station. And, I did. I killed my engine with a triumphant smirk on my face. Then, I looked up and that smirk vanished before I could blink.

What do you think I saw?

a) Beyoncé

b) an ice cream truck

c) my car’s front hood on fire

If you guessed a, b, or c, you’re wrong. The answer is d) two guys talking to each other in between their stations. Both guys appeared close to my age. Both were average in physical appearance and hygiene. They wore pretty shoddy clothes and pumped gas into equally inglorious cars.

My first thought: Great. The day this week I decide to wear a dress and need gas. I don’t feel like getting hit on today. I just want to be home. Stupid contacts coming in early.

A lot of other thoughts run through my head. Like: Maybe I should just move to Pump 1. It’s closer to the road. I’m gonna drive that way anyway so might as well. And, Why God? Why me? Why today?

Finally, I got a grip on my mental, took a breath, and stepped out of my car. I’ve been hit on at gas stations before (on multiple, unfortunately memorable occasions), but I survived every single time and recently the incidents have grown pretty predictable. This time wouldn’t be any different just with different guys. So I thought.

I walked toward the store to pay for my gas and the boys’ eyes fell on me. They smiled, nodded hellos and me I shook out a smile their way then jerked my head straight ahead. I heard them exchange words, but neither said anything directly to me. I was a little taken aback, but when I paid for my gas and peered out of the store’s window to see them still conversing after pumping their gas, I prepared myself for anything. Finally, I exited the store and strut quickly to my pump without a look over in their direction with the straightest face I could manage fixed on my face. I’m talking the same face I make whenever I walk down the streets in New York. While pumping gas, I can’t help but look their way because both guys were parked at pumps in front of mine. To my surprise, they barely took advantage of the set-up.

Now, I’m looking around thinking, Okay. So maybe they aren’t going to hit on me. I’m actually free. 

But seriously. They aren’t hitting on me. What gives?

That’s right. The entire time I was pumping gas, even though I had taken extra care with my makeup, my hair looked wow-mazing, and the gusty wind that day was Marilyn Monroeing my dress, the boys didn’t say a word to me.

I’ll never know if anything might have come to a date or even a relationship with either of those guys had our lives crossed paths in a different place and time, but I think that’s okay. The fact that I was expecting any type of exchange, whether nice or vulgar, is not okay. I feel like any decent guy wouldn’t ask a girl out at a gas station unless the girl happens to be Choice A in my quiz above, of course. 😉

Another lesson I learned from this experience is how wrong it was of me as a woman to automatically think I would be assaulted just because I was surrounded by men. Although I have previous experiences at the gas station to make my case, I still felt like I had failed as a human being to have judged someone without any knowledge of their name and to have assumed their actions in part of their gender.

Furthermore, I caught myself bewildered by the fact that they hadn’t hit on me. I found myself almost troubled by the lack of exchange. Then I thought, If they had hit on me–or hey, had the confidence to ask me out–what would I have done? I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I knew my answer and boy, was it shallow. 

I would’ve just smiled and blown them off. No matter what they did. I would have been blogging about an entirely different story, most likely complaining about some smutty-low standard guys at the gas station who hit on me, the poor, pretty girl who just wanted to get gas and drive off unviolated and less disappointed about the world we live in nowadays. #Feminism, right? (These are paraphrased thoughts, of course. Well, partly.)

But no. They proved me wrong. Guys still have control, guys still have standards and possess civility. Not all men are scumbags trying to score top player in the Belt Notch game and women should give those guys a shot. Every time.

Maybe I’m wrong and the reason those two guys didn’t hit on me is because they weren’t interested, but maybe they were. And maybe, just maybe, they are a glimmer of hope for the revolution of a beautiful-equal coexistence between our two sexes.

New Year, New Pickle

9 Jan

Wow. I’ve gotta be honest, life is has been absolutely so crazy lately. I just checked my last post (April 1, 2013). Yikes. We’ll leave it at that.

2015. It has already brought so many obstacles, circumstances, inquisitions and triumphs. If I had to confront my current events as the person I was just last year at this time, I don’t think I’d be writing this post right now. To keep things genuine, I would probably be in bed crying my eyes out. But presently all I can do is be happy with what I have now and work toward what has been placed in my heart. Before I go any further, allow me to fill you in on 2014.

1. I did not find love. (yet…unless you count awesome, new friendships).

2. I directed (and wrote and cried–joyous tears, fed up tears, am-I-going-to-make-it tears–and prayed over) a short film that premiered at a local movie theater to 100+ attendees.

3. I met some AMAZING film people that I can call family. (based in LA & at university who are most likely reading and just got a twinkle in their eye…or I’m just being extremely hopeful or narcissistic or something).

4. I started a YouTube channel (link’s in my short description).

5. I got my heart bruised and that bruise opened up my eyes to a door that I finally got strength to close.

6. I’m still alive in 2015 (turn up).

Back to my current situation. So as it looks right now, I have a bit of a predicament. Now let me explain. This could very well be a predicament that I am just fighting within myself and worrying over for no reason other than the belief that predicaments can only be resolved with logic. Let’s call this predicament Pickles. So Pickles, again if going strictly on logic, could greatly affect where I celebrate the new year in 2016. …. Just thought I saw a spider in my room…it was only a hairball. Time to clean up! (again). So Pickles. By this time next year, I could reside in a variety of different places. Los Angeles (my dream city since seven years of age), Atlanta (seems legit…and logical), Raleigh (beach, mountains, new wave), London (United Kingdom; sorry Canada) and well, where I live now. These are all pretty sweet options and I realize whatever path I take will be life changing during my twenty-something years (or at least the year I decide to live there and move because let’s be honest I’ve always been a backpacker at heart). But seriously, it’s a lot to ponder about, especially in solitude when there is no one around to grasp you by the shoulders and remind you of those two clouds shaped like California you saw just a year ago. Those California clouds weren’t hallucinations. They were hope.

Just writing that brings a smile to my face, but then a thought quickly follows. Pickles. Pickles ruins dreams, hopes, and potential. Pickles is mean and I don’t want to be ruled by Pickles. I want to be ruled by the very things that Pickles sets out to ruin and spoil until those things are nothing but dust. So, what city will I choose? To be quite honest with you I have a feeling that I already know. It’s just hard to believe and very hard to see right now with Pickles constantly boiling my mind with doubt. But you know what? I have a feeling it will happen and when it does, I’ll look up to the sky and smile at The One who made it possible. Alternatively, maybe I have it wrong. Maybe the place I will be next year hasn’t even been revealed to me and I am hanging on to the hope of childhood dream. Maybe, maybe not.

At the end of the day, I believe to get where you’re going you have to just go for it. Screw Pickles. And maybe that’s the answer. Don’t rely on Pickles to make you happy. There are plenty of people all over the world who have Pickles and they aren’t happy with any aspect of their life. They need people like you to run out of your comfort zone and yell, “Here I am! I’m here for you!” at the top of your lungs and throw your arms around them and ask if they want to come inside for tea [this is a metaphor, of course but if you take this as a literal challenge, go for it and make a friend :)].

Respectively, Pickles is alright. It’s just that when you run out from time to time, you start to hate how Pickles rules the world and how you have to pick and scrap to get Pickles just to feel secure enough to follow your dreams. But I don’t think that’s how life is supposed to be. I think we were called to be explorers, dreamers, creators, and do-gooders. Not to be logically correct to a point where it leads to fear and worry or to point where ten years down the road, you are still waiting around in the Pickle jar until the day it’s safe enough to jump out. Because what if that day never comes? Don’t risk it. Not at a time like this when people need you and you need them. The time is now. It’s on, Pickles.

-Joni Bing

P.S. My apologies for never finishing that Location Scout story. Keep on the lookout this year for part two. I’ll do my best to finish it.

Video

So, I made this movie….

14 Mar

This is a trailer for a movie I wrote/directed! It would mean the world to me if you checked the trailer and tell what you think. I wrote it to make the world more aware of the effects of bullying and hope to produce a second part! I also hope you decide to partake in my journey!

If you’re interested, click here: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/inferior-hostage/x/6681187

23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23

30 Dec

This is perfection.

Wander Onwards

Marriage

As 2013 wraps up, I’ve been noticing more and more people getting engaged and/or married under the age of 23.

I get it.

It’s cold outside… you want to cuddle and talk about your feelings… life after graduation is a tough transition… so why not just cut to the chase and get married, right?  It’s hip. It’s cool. You get to wear clothing that wouldn’t normally be socially acceptable at the dive bar you frequent with the $5 beers.  Eff it. YOLO. YOMO! You only marry once…

Oh wait.

The divorce rate for young couples is more than twice the national average. Divorce is no longer a staple in a midlife crisis, but rather, something that SEVENTEEN Magazine should probably be printing on. Headlines could read,

“How to budget for your prom AND your wedding in the same year!”

“What’s HOT: Kids raising Kids.”

“Why your Mom doesn’t really…

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Luxembourg!!!

15 May

Hey all!

Yikes! It’s been awhile! You would never imagine the ups and downs I’ve had over the past month! It’s been crazy! But for updates on my life, visit luxmissions.wordpress.com! I’m the writer and it’s pretty funny and inspiring I would say…I mean, I’m being a little bias because I wrote it, but…

 

ANYWAY, CHECK IT OUT AND TELL A FRIEND!

luxmissions.wordpress,com

 

P.S. Here’s a gif just for you!

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–Joni Juelissa ❤

Location Scouting Part 2

30 Mar

Ok, I think I’ve left you all waiting long enough. Now, for the rest of my location scouting day.

Oh, and if you don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s the link:

 

Nah, you can scroll down.

Alright, so we’re going down the path where the animals are, the sand got deeper…

OH! Then, we started getting tired…all hope was seeping from our hearts down to the souls of our feet and filling up our shoes–along with the sand we were being buried alive in.

Here’s a picture of me freaking out when I heard wildlife:

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After another mile, that’s when we saw civilization. More specifically, a multi-million dollar community with an awesome 18-hole golf course. Thanks to my Tiger Woods crazed father, that last sentence sounded like I actually care to watch the Golf Channel.

This is pretty much how the golf course looked:

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Being that the neighborhood is mega-rich, we had to be extra careful about security.

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Me hiding from the cops…tehee

We hid behind bushes and trees…for as long as we could until a golf cart came our way. You could only imagine what was going off in my mind…I’ll just show you to save you the trouble.

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had to find a reason to use this again.

Yep, that explains it. Luckily, my gorgeous asian friend (you’ll never guess which one) was able to talk us out of it by conversing with the man in the cart and scooting off into the woods again while hoping K-9s wouldn’t come after us. If all did fail with that guy, we already had a plan: We were all friends of hers visiting and she was an adopted child of her grandparents who were out shopping in town so they weren’t home to hear about us terrorizing the neighbors (perks of being a filmie; storytelling is all day, err day 😉

 

From there, we attempted to get to this beautiful promise land field. It was gorgeous…until we suspected snakes being in the higher grass we were stepping in. Just a reminder, I was wearing these:

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I was not about to walk into a pit of snakes (literally).

In the end, it all worked out. We listened to Frank Sinatra and part of the Lion King, which lifted the nature spirit in us to find the perfect field in the reserve that looks like:

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Yep, I was pretty happy. This is actually two days ago…well, three now technically.

There’s actually more to this location scout story. Like these awkward pizza guys we met an hour away trying to find a park for the film, this nice ’40s style place with an awesome waitress that gave us really nice water when we came out from our pee stop in the restaurant (yeah, I actually hate that restaurant now; only because of this lady named Kathy; #ew) 

But we didn’t take pictures and I’d hate to bore you all with words, even though I believe I am a darn good writer.

If you guys would like to hear what happened late that night, comment away! It would be so encouraging!

Til then or next time, peace!

-Joni Juelissa ❤

 

 

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